The Root of Bitterness
“Make sure that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and defiling many." - Hebrews 12:15
During our 11:30 prayer time today the Spirit led me to Hebrews 11 and 12. We gather every Tuesday as a staff and church to pray and seek God. It’s often during these moments the Spirit will reveal, convict, or comfort me in unexpected ways.
Today was one of those days. I can’t help but share and be vulnerable.
I was convicted that bitterness has crept into my life and made itself comfortable. Bitterness towards those who have wronged me. Bitterness towards my wife, parents, former bosses, coworkers, and people I haven’t spoken to in a decade. Bitterness everywhere.
Bitter because of things said and unsaid.
Bitter because of action and inaction.
Bitter because of unmet expectations and broken promises.
On this side of eternity every follower of Jesus has experienced bitterness. How could we not with how often we are hurt, misled, and let down by those we love?
We become bitter when a majority of our experiences are sour-flavored. We complain about our boss. We replay hurtful conversations in our mind over and over again. Joy is fleeting. Our spouse or children become more of a nuisance than a welcomed presence. Our commutes are marked by the dark cloud of complaining. We are constantly comparing ourselves to anyone and everyone who we believe is living the good life.
Times of worship lose power and potency because of bitterness towards pastors or long-lost church friends.
Marriages settle for a low level of emotional, spiritual, and physical engagement because of things said or unsaid.
Jobs become a place to complain, grow in jealousy, or gossip.
The author of Hebrews wisely declares that we shouldn’t even allow a root of bitterness to spring up. I think he uses the term “root” intentionally. Often times, we aren’t aware of our own bitterness until it surfaces from below. Bitterness, in my experience, takes root in my heart but doesn’t surface until months maybe even years down the road.
If you have spent any time working in the yard you know how laborious and time consuming removing weeds from a garden can be. As easy as it may be to simply remove the exposed portion of the weed you have to gently and precisely pull the entire root system. Any portion of the root left in the garden will surface in no time, steal water from healthy vegetation, and potentially choke out plants that should have produced fruit.
The root of bitterness will surface in our life, steal water from our soul, and choke out any fruit we are called to bear unless we literally root it out.
Warning Signs of Bitterness
I am no therapist or professional counselor so take these words with a grain of salt. I can only speak from my experience. Maybe some of these warning signs will resonate with you.
1. Unforgiveness - how many people are we holding in contempt right now because of past actions? Holding onto those memories is like carrying a bag of heavy weights everywhere you go. How can we move on without letting go? Forgiving someone is not forgetting what they have done. Forgiving is handing the weight to God to take care of them and you.
2. Assumptions - I have learned and am learning how much of my bitterness is rooted in the expectation I have internally placed on others. How can I expect my wife to read my mind and know exactly what I want, when I want it, how I want it? I’ve heard it said that, “clarity is kindness.” Be clear to your spouse, boss, coworkers, and children about your expectations.
3. Harshness - I often hold everyone to a standard I don’t even hold myself to. I expect others to be perfect when I am far from perfection. This is the classic story of removing the plank from your own eye before calling out the splinter in another. Extend grace to others in the same way you wish others to be gracious to you.
4. Comparison - I could talk to you for hours about everything I don’t have compared to “everyone” else I know. “I’m 33 so of course I should have built my dream house, vacation 6 weeks a year, make six-figures a year, have four perfect children, and be in the greatest shape of my life like the people I see on social media!” Of course, none of that is true or matters in the economy of God but it’s hard not to notice when other people “succeed.”
5. Skepticism - I have found myself growing in skepticism towards my wife, pastor, and friends when I let bitterness take root. Because they have hurt me in the past, why should I believe them now? Because I witnessed a pastor lie in the past, why should I trust my current pastor? Because my best friend talked behind my back, why should I attempt to make any new friends?
From Bitter to Sweet
Left unchecked, bitterness will defile you and cause trouble in your soul, home, and community. I have noticed bitterness begin to choke my soul of joy, attention, and wonder in recent weeks. It’s time get out in the garden and rip out every root of bitterness.
You may feel convicted about the root of bitterness in your own life right now. Don’t let this moment go unchecked! If we aren’t careful, bitterness will bloom into a nuisance that overwhelms every emotion and moment of our lives.
This is no small or easy task apart from the Spirit of God. We must surrender again and again to the comforting and convicting work of the Holy Spirit as he roots our bitterness and replaces it with the fruit of His Spirit.
From indifference to love.
From lethargy to joy.
From chaos to peace.
From hurry to patience.
From judgment to kindness.
From hypocrisy to goodness.
From fragility to faithfulness.
From harshness to gentleness.
From instability to self-control.
Hand your bitterness to Jesus, the one who nailed your sin to the cross 2,000 years ago, will never leave or forsake you, and is returning to make all things new.
Kenneth Gabbert
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Kenneth is the Youth Pastor
at Mission Community Church